The new version of me

[dropcap]Today[/dropcap] Tomorrow Forever Ella. Has felt partially like another version of myself for a few months as I have only allowed strangers to peer into the darkest truths of my mind. However recently I have changed that, I have extended my blog to all of my family, and all of my private social media accounts. Recently I feel like I am capable of being this person all the time – without fear.

Though many of those who knew me have viewed the truth as a version of myself they do not wish to share the company of. Or as I have felt downhearted by emotionless responses to my bravery and act of strength. I accept that I have changed and I am moving on to new friendships and that is very exciting.

Although it has been hard.

I don’t know about anyone else, but admitting how I feel to everyone and admitting it openly without restraint to everyone around me has been scary. Even scarier when those people knew the old you.

For me, this was a vision of success, perfectionism, determination and empowerment. When that same person became another version of herself it seemed easier to be two people than just the one. But the truth is I am not the person I was a year ago, or a month or a day ago really. And I am proud of myself for that because I am trying my best recently to have faith that the person I truly am right now is enough.

Though I may not fit into the delicately constructed mould that the people of my past wanted me to. I am okay with that. I will never fit into that mould, or any mould if I allowed myself to do that I would be settling, and I wouldn’t be growing.

It has been hard watching the old me slip away because I quite liked her. But I have become so much more. As suffering, change and love have taught me lessons that most importantly I have allowed myself to listen to. Regardless of how bad my mental health has become and how hard some days are. I am the strongest I have ever been. I have worked on myself and I feel like I am finally seeing the world through eyes that aren’t recovering from a cloud of dust.

So Hi I am Ella and Thank you to all the people out there who don’t know me but follow my blog. You have been a huge contributor in providing me with the bravery to live all of my life as the person I truly am and to open my arms and mind to the person I am becoming.

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Nobody knows this person yet, even I don’t. But I intend to blog her from start to finish.

So…

I hope you are all as intrigued as I am to keep reading my blogs and see who I become.

Today Tomorrow Forever

Ella.

‘You are more than enough.’ 

 

 

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