In pursuit of ‘In-between’

[dropcap]Since[/dropcap] Christmas I have picked up an old habit of mine spending evenings and sometimes days reading books until I can say I have completed them. I have two moods when it comes to reading and I have continually failed to find an in-between as I either read stacks of books or no books at all. It happens to not be inconvenient at present to consume more than half my waking hours reading as I have very few things to do and reading isn’t the most destructive addiction.

So my mum purchased a book for me the only book she has ever committed herself to and read from start to finish. This suggested I should probably invest some time into reading it yet my shallow self-frowned at the small font and outdated cover. (I know ‘never judge a book by its cover.’) Admittedly I was wrong and I persisted and page after page I became to realise what kept my Mum from giving in.

The book, if you’re wondering, is The Road Less Travelled, written by M. Scott. Peck.

It was hard to swallow the first few chapters of part one as in my present position of suffering it fed me the truths that I had been attempting to avoid. However, it became an easier read and the psychological content was fascinating. As the book progressed the other reason for my reluctance to start reading the book became more and more evident.

‘Spiritual Growth’. “I am not religious’, I have frequently proclaimed and I have directed my thoughts to science. After reading this book my most recent change of thoughts has been solidified. Firstly to anyone reading this who knows me, I have not made a miraculous U-turn towards a firm belief in God. However I have come to realise that proclaiming ‘I am not religious’, is quite frankly contradictory to my beliefs.

The definition of religion as with all things doesn’t have a rigid answer. As this is a new thought to me my brain is in overdrive to consume, research and read books to redefine my view. And it is exciting. Even if I come to the conclusion after the said process that I was deluded and still sit with the same thoughts I have shared my entire life I have still learnt something invaluable.

Over the past few months I have begun to let go, however, the process of reading this book has clarified to me that I have been doing an injustice to myself to be so stubborn to deny all but science. As I have allowed fear to limit my mind. It is a scary prospect to me that God created this world and everything in it, I have complete gratitude to those who hold this belief as it is a brave path to follow. Science seems distinctly less scary, with answers written in formulae and antidotes. However, I have done as I have with reading with my views, failed to find an in-between. I am a very stubborn and opinionated individual and admittedly it has limited my growth beyond belief.

My walls are gradually turning into a fence as I am beginning to realise that some mystery in this world is the magic of it. I do not have to believe in God, yet I also do not have to confine myself to the science of the stars.

Let yourself perceive the world differently and then question what is stopping that being your perception too, fear or your true beliefs?

Am I currently answering that question myself?

Today Tomorrow Forever

Ella.

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