A Guest Post from Steffani, who shares how anxiety has impacted her life, and what she shares on her little space of the internet…
Steffani Biolchini is a full time worker and part time blogger. She will be going back to school in the Fall to finish up her Associates Degree in Sociology. Her blog name, Native Rose, ‘stems’ from her Colorado roots and Rose is her, as well as her grandmother’s, middle name. Her hope for the future is to become a (anxiety free) writer.
My Journey With Anxiety.
I’ve had anxiety all of my life, although I didn’t always know what it was. It’s not something I’ve struggled with on a daily basis, but I can recall situations all throughout my life. A few people know I struggle, but not necessarily to what extent. I am embarrassed by it because no one I am close to seems to understand.
Since entering the blogging community, I see that I’m far from the only one dealing with similar mental health issues. This community is open, honest, and supportive. So I’ve decided to share a summary, if you will, of my personal struggles with anxiety.
Starting as a child, I would sometimes have stomach issues. I would feel nauseous but I can’t actually remember what brought it on specifically. I can recall going on trips and feeling sick. Maybe not for the whole trip, but for a few hours or a day. Yet, some trips I didn’t have an “episode” at all. Most of the time I was fine, but here and there I struggled.
Fast forward to adulthood, and the struggle is worse. Let me give you one specific example. A week ago I went to Walmart with my fiancé. I thought I’d be fine but when he was taking too long to pick out what he needed, I started to panic. I was ready to go but he wasn’t done. I started to freak out that I might need to throw up in public and that just makes it worse. I get light headed and basically just feel no control over my breathing or my thoughts. I know that it’s all in my head, but knowing that doesn’t usually make a difference. I also know that it’s a control issue. I can go anywhere or do just about anything by myself. When I’m with others, I feel pressured for some reason. Pressured to not freak out because it’s embarrassing maybe. I’m not sure. There is pressure though. Pressure to please. There’s also guilt from the many times I’ve cancelled on others.
Also, I have this kind of strange way to cope. People make fun that I’m always popping breath mints. When I feel nauseous they help to quell the feeling, most especially if I have to talk. I first discovered that this helps when I was particularly nervous about a school musical I was in, maybe around 3rd grade. My friend gave me Tums to help my nervous stomach. To this day, I always have something with me, usually ginger candies or Tic Tacs.
So that’s basically my journey with anxiety in a nutshell. I’m trying to get it under control so it won’t interfere with my life so much. A particular regret I have is that I bought concert tickets to see my favourite group, Linkin Park, (twice actually) but I chickened out both times. I knew I would have had a panic attack. I’ve seen them live once but my fiancé hasn’t. Now that the lead singer has passed away, it’s too late. I thought I’d have forever to take him. I thought I’d eventually get control over my anxiety enough to where I could face the large crowd and loud music.
The point is, I’m never going to stop trying because life is worth it. My happiness is important to me.
As I said, since I’ve started blogging I don’t feel as alone anymore and I appreciate that. However, it is still my own personal battle to fight. Through meditation, I have come to realize that this is part of who I am. Maybe I shouldn’t fight so hard, but learn to accept it. Maybe fighting it makes it worse. We all have issues; that’s a part of life.
To follow Steffani, and everything new and upcoming at Native Rose, follow her at one or all of the links below…
Today Tomorrow Forever
[If you wish to guest post on my blog simply email me at email@example.com and I will respond within 2 days.]Tags: Anxiety, Awareness, Happiness, life, love, Mental Health, Recovery, Stigma