Hello my angels, let’s talk failure,
Welcome back to #TTFElla, if you read one of my more recent posts you will know that I am currently battling my second relapse, fighting chronic anxiety really hard. Again. You can check out this post by clicking here.
One of the important things for me when my anxiety is bad, and especially in times of relapse is to look for success even in failure.
To find the positives in the negative.
Focussing on how far you have come not how far you still have to go.
This can seem like an impossible pursuit to begin with like you are looking for a needle in a haystack, as the saying goes. Plucking at straws looking for an ounce of hope. The truth is there always comes success with failure as failure requires one to try there best. When you change your perspective and start to look for the growth you have made and the stepping stones you have covered even in what feels like a catalogue of failed attempts. This is when you see your strength, resilience, and hope becomes almost unavoidable.
To repeatedly fail and keep finding your feet again despite fear being continuously instilled into your mind is a damn harder feat than the process of success.
One who can fail can undoubtedly succeed.
I’m currently sat in the car with my laptop on my knee. I have my heated seat on and the heaters on keeping me pleasantly warm. I am looking out at a small lake in a local park watching dog walkers come and go and my own pair of flat-faced hounds stretch there legs. Having in fact come from college. College reopened a week ago, and I am yet to attend a lesson. Today I walked in, and I walked out again. Devastation at how what was merely routine a month or two ago now being impossible is useless. Reassurance and hope in the progress from not leaving the house to entering and leaving again is constructive.
All one can wish for is progress. And progress, fast or slow, has been made today.
I may be exhausted, deflated and bloody frustrated as I watch my life shrink again and again, as my anxiety steals more and more space inside of me. I may be all of those things, but I am also damn well determined to win this war.
The more times the anxiety waves over me uplifting my routine, normality, and sense of progress it hurts a little more. I lose a little more.
But no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it can ever hurt, the more determined and certain I become that I can not and will not let it win.
Every relapse, every panic attack, and every failure takes me closer to the life I am fighting, you are fighting, and we are fighting for. Every relapse, every panic attack, and every failure is another demonstration of strength. Each time I, you, we, stand up and keep walking we succeed and anxiety, depression, eating disorders… mental illness. Loses.
I asked my best friend, Chaz, a fellow blogger what success in failure meant to them.
Well it’s about the little things…
If you fail a ‘big thing’ you have probably still succeeded in doing many ‘little things’ in the process.
Recovery is about the little things, maybe that’s what life is really about too?
I will win and so will you. one day…
What is your greatest success in failure recently?
Until tomorrow comes,